James Timothy Mcfarland

Our brother Tim was a complex guy and would have been a great book character, so a one-page obituary will not do justice to the person he was. He was a guy with a tough exterior, he was quiet, and he wasn’t someone that you would mess with. He didn’t look for trouble, but he wasn’t scared to meet it, and would fiercely defend those he loved. He honed his fighting skills on Phil. They used to go at it in the front yard. There was only an 18-month difference in their age, so they were in the same weight division, but Tim had a temper and Phil was stubborn. Both red haired, red faced and equally yoked they probably entertained the whole neighborhood… It was a different time. However, Tim was not a big, dumb, angry guy. He was incredibly smart, funny, loving, and hardworking. He started work at a really young age working in Daddy’s automotive shop, The Performance Center. He went on to specialize in transmission repairs which speaks to his intelligence and skill. He never missed a single day of high school.

Tim was a voracious reader, devouring books, sometimes several in a day, and he liked movies and TV shows and usually had control of the remote when we all lived at home. As we moved into our own homes, he had weekly visits with each of us to watch a favorite TV show. He watched Survivor with Phil and Robin, 90210 with David, Gilmore Girls and Smallville with Grant and Wendy; sadly, we don’t have Carolyn here to tell us what they watched together though I’d guess movies and A Knight’s Tale or something similar comes to mind because we all liked that one. Even back in his high school days he would come home at lunch and watch soap operas with Grandma (I think it was Ryan's Hope), with Mama it was Star Trek and Daddy was Clint Eastwood movies.

All that reading and watching shows must have helped him become the storyteller and jokester that he was. Whenever he showed up you knew he had some stories to tell about work or the people he worked with, or walking into an armed robbery, or chasing his stolen truck down and having a shootout on Cary Parkway, but you had to wait for them. It was never about being the center of attention, but after a meal, when the room was ready, the lore would start dropping. I think he got this storytelling gene from Mama because she was the same way and the two of them would keep us sitting around the table for hours after the meal was done. Tim was witty and had a great sense of timing. He would drop a wise crack in at just the right time. One night Mama was fussing at him for dropping ice on the floor and leaving it there the night before, so he turned around and grabbed the paper towels, bent down to the floor, and in complete disbelief said, “it's not there?” Yeah, it isn’t that funny writing about it now, but in that moment, and so many other moments, he knew how to deflect getting in trouble, get Mama sidetracked, and get the rest of the family giggling. We took it for granted then, but it was medicine we needed and probably every family does.

He was an animal lover and always had dogs and at one time 20-30 cats. He built them their own house and he treated them like children. He never married nor had children, so they were his family. I have seen him more than once sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with mama nursing a puppy or kitten all night long. He loved animals and they loved him. He was a great dog uncle and would sneak treats when mom and dad wouldn’t permit it. His uncle duties extended to the children as well, and he gave Wendy’s son, Jack, his first taste (or half the bottle) of Mountain Dew when he was two years old… right before a funeral.

He didn’t like dressing up, and most of the time wore a ball cap. Mama introduced herself to him at a funeral once because she didn’t recognize him in a suit without his hat. Her eyesight was beginning to fail by then. Phil and Robin just recently learned how mad he was that he had to wear a suit to their wedding. Of course, he did it and they never knew because that is how he was, but immediately after the service was finished and the pictures were made, he undid his tie, and put on his hat for the reception. We all liked him better like that anyways.

In some sense we have been grieving the loss of Tim since he suffered an anoxic brain injury from a pulmonary embolism eleven years ago. He was left with the inability to use words to communicate and unable to move his lower body. Though we were so thankful that he didn’t die during that event, we lost much of the Tim we knew. He would still interact and light up when you walked into the room. He would laugh and play, and if you were brave enough to put a nerf gun in his hand you were going to get pinged upside the head. He took it a little easier on Carolyn because she was big sister and we all always respected her, and he did too. It was his understanding of stuff like this that made us know that he was still in there. Though we lost a big part of who Tim was, we didn't lose him.

He was also a sentimental guy. After his brain injury event, when we were cleaning his house out and going through his personal belongings, we found school pictures of every niece and nephew he had been given through the years, every family birthday invite, and every check, uncashed, Grandma had given him on his birthday dating back to the early 1970’s. He appreciated family, and he was a pretty good gift-giver, especially considering his Christmas shopping didn't start until Christmas Eve when he and David hit the stores. They'd show up Christmas Eve night with gifts wrapped in trash bags, ready to go, and eager to see everyone's reactions.

Tim went to live with Carolyn and Curtis after his brain injury and stayed with them for ten years until Carolyn’s passing. He spent his days playing with the dogs and all the kids and participating in all the daily family stuff. He had his own TV and could work the remote. When he wanted the kids to come in and visit, he would put on a kid's show. When Carolyn, Wendy, and Michele would get to gossiping the TV would get quiet. We always wondered if he just fell asleep or if he was trying to listen in. When he transitioned to the nursing home, he was quick to make friends with the nurses and assistants. They loved him, played with him, and took good care of him. They made up their own games and kept things fun. He was never miserable, but always happy and laughing.

Yeah, on the outside he was a Pitbull that could tear your face off, but on the inside, he was a thoughtful guy and had a heart full of love that he showered on those that were blessed to call him brother, uncle, son, family or friend.

Join us for a celebration of life/remembrance service for Tim. The family will be gathered at the Twin Oaks Barn on Sunday, October 13 from 2pm-5pm.

Twin Oaks Barn

6644 Cornwallis Road

Garner, NC 27529

Condolences may be made to the family at www.bryan-leefuneralhome.com